"Nobody should be able to describe a *beer* as 'creamy.' " ~The Tesla

"My taint tingles upon seeing those" ~The Tesla

"System of a Down makes my mint leaf wet." ~The Tesla

"Did I just try to Carl's Jr. Ad this mint leaf?" ~The Tesla

"How the fuck did I hit that?! Oh God- *electric drill ensues*" ~The Tesla

"It's like if a giraffe's neck was its penis, *that's* what we're looking at!" ~The Tesla

"I tongulate with my fuckables" ~The Tesla

"Uh oh... Archipelago" ~The Tesla

"Sometimes the low hanging fruit...shits the sweetest." ~The Tesla

"Trust me, I would eat so much bush." ~The Tesla

"Package ID is the new Scrotal Tagâ„¢!" ~The Tesla

"Oh shit, I just shit my lungs out because I mixed mayonnaise with spaghetti" ~The Tesla

"You know, I would fuck a Spaghetti-O." ~The Tesla

"Last time I lit the Dragon's Magikâ„¢ it smelled like... something" ~The Tesla

"Tongue punch some garlic knots! ...God, I feel so filthy just SAYING that!" ~The Tesla

"No, we are NOT doing water physics right now... FUCK YOOOOU!" ~The Tesla

"My Moist Meat Muscleâ„¢ must meet its milky treat!" ~The Tesla

"Bro... BRRRRROOOOO.... They're Oreos... but they're PUFFED!" ~The Tesla

"Shit... I can make a swamp cooler in my titties!" ~The Tesla

"I want to make a protein-free yogurt brand named 'No Whey!' " ~The Tesla

"Hey, I have a Hype Chestâ„¢ too!" ~The Tesla

"I see your acronym, Sagan. And I did check [my butthole]. I did not find the Oil Cave, but I did find Jimmy Hoffa. Which is to say my butthole is Giant's Stadium" ~The Tesla

"A veritable Gooch-load of magic points!" ~The Tesla

"Then they coagulate into the Siskiyou Mountains. I think that's the grossest way I've described geography before" ~The Tesla

"I feel like Joan Jett crossed with Calamity Jane" ~The Tesla